I Sold My Soul
by Neon Star
Summary: Feanor speaks to his wife one last time, and confesses all to her before he leaves for ME. AUish, Feanor is a bit OOC. One shot, very short.


Tried to contact Glor yet again, ended up with Feanor instead.... And a non self-righteous one at that... I need to fix my Elf connection, don'tcha think? ;) Anyways, a little angsty piece on Feanor and Nerdanel, I don't own a thing, though I want my Elf back....  
  
This is AU, simply because Feanor is OOC a lot of the way through, and he went to Nerdanel instead of her going to him. Also, all mistakes are mine, and a lot of them are on purpose to show what state of mind Feanor is in right now. Sorry if it looks so rough.  
  
I sold my soul  
  
Feanor speaks to his wife one last time, and confesses all to her before he leaves for ME.  
  
Nerdanel? Please, don't turn me away. I know I'm not suppose to be here, I know if Mahtan found me, he would force me from this place. I only wish to speak with you, just one last time.  
  
I'm leaving. That is no surprise to you, you heard my vow, you heard it from my own lips. I can see that in your eyes, your cold, sharp eyes... You probably expected it, but did you expect our sons would follow me into exile? Into death and darkness? I see, you probably did, you've always been wise to my ways, and theirs. Nothing hides from your beautiful gaze....  
  
Oh, Nerdanel... I've been such a fool... I won't beg you to leave with me, I couldn't. My heart is too proud, and too cold in my chest to beg, even for the one thing that always made me feel alive. Even the Silmarils could not bring me to life like you could. My fire was always at your command, yet I sold my soul to my art, all to bring forth those jewels, cursed as they are blessed.  
  
I go to search for them, and my lost soul. I have nothing to hold me here; my dear father is dead by the hand of my enemy, my sons follow me, and I have no care for my half brothers or their offspring. Not even Finarfin's daughter, though rumors would say I love her. I never have, I never will. My heart forever belonged to you and you alone. I saw only strong beauty in that one, and her hair gave me the idea for such jewels, for if living substance could imitate the light of the trees, why not the non-living?  
  
You could have held me here, not even revenge could have torn me from you, until we turned away from each other. Then our love grew cold, and only a stone lays in my chest, because I have no soul to warm it, for I gave it all to give form to those gems. You were all I had to save me, and I lost you when I lost my soul. My fire still burns, but without purpose now, and I fear it will be my destruction soon. None could stand in the way of uncontrolled fire, not even the one made from it. You could have saved me, but its far too late now.  
  
I don't blame you; I never could, no matter how much I cursed you the night after you left. You chose to save yourself from the fire, and I understand. If only you could have saved us both, and our sons. Our sons follow me to the grave, and they have sold their souls for the oath. An oath never meant to be made, yet was, and only blood and death will be its answer. May I be cursed for what I've done and what I am to do....  
  
Yet, you won't curse me, you only look upon me with cold eyes, but I can see a flicker of what we once had, and sorrow. Do not sorrow for the one who asked for it, I saw my death in the fire that I had made the Silmarils from, and it is always before me now, even though they are gone, lost in the dark hands of my enemy, just like my soul is.  
  
Weep for our sons, they know not what lies ahead, and I cannot persuade them from the path they have chosen to take, unless I relinquish it myself, and that I cannot do, be it my death at the end. So grieve for them, and them alone, leave no tears for me, no matter what your heart wishes. Grieve for those that will fall before us, those innocents that will only wish to stay our bloodthirsty hands. Grieve for all those that will suffer for this madness I have started with my fiery soul and forbidden words.  
  
This gilded cage will hold us no longer; though, I have to wonder, would it have been better to not have shattered this place so? Yet, what has been done may never be undone now... No matter what our keepers say...  
  
The trees would be mingling at this hour, this hour in which we cast all our chains away and head once more to the lands of our birth. This is the hour of blood and death, the day in which Valinor will break with the vengeance in my heart. It is a day that my mother feared for, and died to avoid... Perhaps she should have taken me as well... Its too late now...  
  
I'm so sorry, Nerdanel... Do not forgive me, yet do not forget. Goodbye, my love... 


End file.
